7 February 2012
Human
Resources Manager
20 Ayer Rajah Crescent
#09-19
S(139964)
20 Ayer Rajah Crescent
#09-19
S(139964)
Dear Sir/Madam
I am
writing to introduce myself and express my interest in working at Addest
Technologies as a Science Officer. I came to know about the position through
the NUS Career Centre website and the requirements of this job appealed to me
immensely.
As a
final year Life Sciences undergraduate at the National University of Singapore,
I have a mix of interest and qualities which may be relevant to the position
that I am applying for. For example, my field of specialisation as a Life
Sciences undergraduate is in Environmental Biology. This curriculum is highly
flexible and encourages students to think of ideas and innovations to improve
various aspects of environmental management. Through my undergraduate
university education, I was able to pursue the learning that inspires me to
explore possibilities and promote critical-thinking to solve real-world
problems.
In
addition, the responsibility of a Science Officer includes facilitation of
workshops for teachers and pupils. As a Senior Orientation Group Leader in the
Faculty of Science Orientation Camp, I have interacted with numerous people
from different majors through the execution of team building activities and
collective brainstorming. This experience has provided me with numerous
opportunities to hone my interpersonal and communication skills. With my
enthusiasm and commitment, I hope to make an impact in your organisation in
developing creative teaching rubrics to enable learning science an enjoyable
process for both students and teachers alike.
I look
forward to meeting with you and learning more about the position, your
objectives and how I can contribute to the success of your department. I can
reached at the number and email address as indicated above and thank you for
your time.
Yours
sincerely(insert signature)
Pamela
Teo ----------------------------------------
Company Addest Technovation Pte Ltd
Job Title Science Officer
Location 20 Ayer Rajah Crescrent #09-19 S(139964)
Date Posted Friday, February 03, 2012
Closing Date Sunday, March 04, 2012
Our company Addest Technovation is a Singapore-based technology company that plays a leading role in delivering ICT-based science education. More than 90% of the primary and secondary schools in Singapore, as well as numerous schools in several other countries, have adopted the series of ICT-based science equipment and kits known as the Addestation invented/manufactured by us. These countries include Australia, China, Germany, Hong Kong, Indonesia, Japan, Kazakhstan, Korea, Malaysia, Mauritius, Myanmar, New Zealand, Switzerland, United Arab Emirates and Vietnam.
Job Title Science Officer
Location 20 Ayer Rajah Crescrent #09-19 S(139964)
Date Posted Friday, February 03, 2012
Closing Date Sunday, March 04, 2012
Our company Addest Technovation is a Singapore-based technology company that plays a leading role in delivering ICT-based science education. More than 90% of the primary and secondary schools in Singapore, as well as numerous schools in several other countries, have adopted the series of ICT-based science equipment and kits known as the Addestation invented/manufactured by us. These countries include Australia, China, Germany, Hong Kong, Indonesia, Japan, Kazakhstan, Korea, Malaysia, Mauritius, Myanmar, New Zealand, Switzerland, United Arab Emirates and Vietnam.
Responsibilities
We offer
science officer posts for science graduates who wish to make contributions to
primary school and secondary school science education. Our science officers
undertake the mission to inculcate a clear mind to THINK, a curiosity to
IMAGINE, and a spirit to INNOVATE through the use of the Addestation. In this connection,
our science officers faciliate workshops for teachers and pupils, develop
contents, design experiments and edit activity manuals.
Requirements
Candidate must possess a Bachelor's Degree from the Science Faculty.
Fresh graduates/Entry level applicants are encouraged to apply.
2 Full-Time positions available.
Candidate must possess a Bachelor's Degree from the Science Faculty.
Fresh graduates/Entry level applicants are encouraged to apply.
2 Full-Time positions available.
Hey Ms TDH (tall, dark, handsome)!
ReplyDeleteIt was a really concise and pleasant read! I like how user-centered your 3rd paragraph was. The use of examples in your app letter also made it feel more concrete.
What I loved most was the demonstration of courtesy throughout the letter. A modest piece. Good job!
Hello Kristyn! Thank you for your comment and I forgot to mention - I'm macho too ;)
DeleteHi Pamela!
ReplyDeleteLike Kristyn, I think that it's really good how you've made your letter user-centred. There is also a constant effort to link your experiences back to the job requirements, which shows the employer that you are confident of doing the job well.
I see the confusion between proper and common nouns as mentioned by Brad. But other than that, it's a cohesive and concise letter:)
Hello Eileen thanks so much for your comment! I posted this before Brad spoke to us on proper/common noun usage but I'll take note of it!
DeleteHello pam! your letter is very short! in fact, i think it's too short! i think you ought to appeal to the company's pockets. i feel like there are a lot of soft skills that you can bring up that show relevance to the job. i think you have not made yourself stand out enough, which is a waste because your personality would surely stand out in an interview. other than soft skills, i think you could elaborate on the relevance of your field of study in preparing you for the job. all in all, i think you could have promoted yourself better. it would help if you talked about your traits e.g. hardworking, good attitude, spontaneous and brought out yourself more.
ReplyDeleteHello Ariele!
DeleteThank you for your comments! Yes I do think I may have been rather technical in my elaboration of my field of study that I had forgot to mould my qualities to suit the job requirements! Ah spontaneous and hardworking - I never thought of those words when writing the letter. Will fill it in next time!
Hi Pamela,
ReplyDeleteI think the points you gave are very relevant to the what the company is looking for. However, I feel that your points could be more persuasive. For instance, instead of saying "I have interacted with numerous people from different majors through the execution of team building activities and collective brainstorming. This experience has provided me with numerous opportunities to hone my interpersonal and communication skills.", you can say "I believe I have good interpersonal and communication skills, which I have developed, through interaction with numerous people...".
I hope you'll find my feedback useful (:
Joel
Hello Joel!
DeleteThank you for the comment and I do agree that my letter can be improved (I wrote it in the wee hours of the night) in structure to convince the reader of my qualities.
Hi Pamela!
ReplyDeleteGood job on your application letter! The topic sentences are really clear (:
However, the first sentence "I am writing to introduce myself" seemed a little weird for me. You might want to ask others for their opinions regarding that first sentence. Also, instead of using "for example" in your second paragraph, perhaps you'll like to use "This can be seen from..." because "for example" seemed a little strange too.
Apart from that, good job! (:
Hello Gladys!
DeleteYes I do agree that the opening sentence was too pompous! I was wondering if I should remove 'for example' completely and directly elaborate on my qualifications. Honestly I'm not sure myself so I'll see how it goes. Thanks for the comment nonetheless!
Hi Pam
ReplyDeleteGreat application letter! The only problem would be the capitalization of the common nouns:
(Senior Orientation Group Leader in the Faculty of Science Orientation Camp).
Like Joel, I too feel that you need to be more persuasive in your language. (I made the same mistake in my letter too!) An application letter is, after all, an attempt to convince your potential employer of why and how you can be an asset to him/her.
All in all I felt this letter was concise and courteous. Good job Pam!
Tanisha
Hello Tanisha!
DeleteYups I wrote the letter before Brad spoke to us on the usage of proper/common nouns so I guess I have quite a bit to edit! I do find persuasion quite tricky as I do not have much experience and qualifications to back it up (mid-life crisis in progress).. Nonetheless I will try to mould it to the job requirements and market myself as a valuable asset!
Thank you so much for the comment!
Hi Pam, I agree with Tanisha that you should take note of the proper and common nouns. I never knew all this until that lesson when Brad told us about it. I also feel that your resume is very humble and that you should add more qualities about yourself that would appeal to the company. Apart from that, your application letter is very short, concise and to the point.
ReplyDeleteGood understanding made about Application Letter Critique. Excellent format.
ReplyDeleteJob Application letter